“I’m giving you your shame back!”, Elizabeth screamed to the empty chair.
It really is a good thing that I don’t drink anymore, again. It’s a very good thing I wasn’t drinking Tuesday night, because there would have been some angry drunk texting. Some people would have woken up confused by the , “I’m giving you back your shame!” text. All kidding aside, I DO have a right to be angry! We all do. Guilt and shame, is my Albatross and I wear it with everything. I knew, from being in recovery, that I didn’t have to wear it anymore, but it never occurred to me that I could give it back! A friend of mine I hadn’t seen or spoken to since high school facebooked me the other day. She explained that she had been following the blog and wanted to thank me for my openness and honesty. It made me smile. I really was delighted to get feedback because, I have no idea who’s reading this. I’ve often wondered happens after I hit, “Publish”. For all I know it goes straight to a little old woman’s basement flat in Croatia. My friend went on to ask me, “How do you forgive? When I think about my biological father my blood begins to boil.” I answered her the best way I knew how, “pray for them and be willing”. What I really wanted to say was, “I haven’t written the conclusion to my RESENTMENTS blog, because I just don’t know!” What I do know is that I must be willing to forgive and that I must give my resentments to my higher power. Thanks to Tennie McCarty, I now know I can also give them back their shame. Besides, my guilt and shame Albatross is so last season. Now, I just need to find a healthy way to let out my anger.
My name is Brock Cravy and I’m addicted to me.
P.S. To Blanca Manchon in Hvar, Croatia: How’s the anger quilt coming along? Let it out girl!